One of the biggest hurdles we go through living day to day is dealing with our emotions when they arise- the panic before the meeting, or presentation, the moment before the interview. Most of us were never taught to deal with our emotions growing up. Instead, we shoved them down or numbed them away with either food, alcohol, smoking or any other addiction.
The funny thing is once you learn how to channel your emotions in a loving yet curious way, you’ll be able to navigate through life in a much calmer, resilient, more confident way.
The mind
Did you know that we go through about 60,000-80,000 thoughts in just one single day? These thoughts are coming from the nonconscious mind/your past, to the conscious mind/your present, through the subconscious mind/your thoughts.
Also read the Switching to Mindful Eating
The problem here is these thoughts and beliefs you have of yourself were formed at a young age, before the age of 7 when you were vulnerable and didn’t know any better.
We came up with our beliefs based on what we experienced growing up. “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not lovable”, “I’m different”, “I’m not worthy”, When we believe something like “I am not enough” your mind will do everything in its power to stop and prevent you from feeling this way again. That’s the job of the mind. Move you away from any pain, or anything that makes you feel unsafe.
Anxiety isn’t all bad. We need it for our survival. It’s our fight or fight. This is what gets our bodies to run when there is real danger around. But why is it all of a sudden a rush of anxiety kicks in just before entering your job. What’s so “dangerous” about going into work. It’s what our mind perceives as dangerous.
We come into the world wanting one thing, That’s connection. We need to feel connected and accepted by the people around us or else we will feel as if we are not safe, that same feeling that comes up when there’s a lion in front of you, your fight or flight.
In order to feel connected to the environment we are around, we have to upgrade our old routed/outdated beliefs.
Neuroscientist, Dr. Caroline Leaf, came up with what she named the Nuerocycle. It’s how your mind and body operate.
Think
Feel
Choose
First comes the thought, (no I’m not good enough to have that position, or speak infront of those people, what if…)
Then comes the feeling, (heart racing, sweaty palms, shortness of breath, upset stomach)
Then comes the action, (turn back and go home, run or stay and have a panic attack).
This is when you want to explore the mind. Explore the roots connected to why you have a belief as such, why your body is reacting in this way.
Instead of running away or numbing the feeling, drop into it.
“Feel the feeling until it’s no required to be felt” - Marisa Peer.
Half of these thoughts are outdated thoughts, little messages, little warning signals coming from your subconscious mind. A younger part of you that doesn’t want you to get hurt, or embarrassed or feel unworthy or not good enough.
In order to manage the anxiety put these steps in action
Step 1: Locate The Feeling. Can you feel it in your stomach? In your chest? In your throat?
Step 2: Get Curious. What is the feeling there to tell you.
Step 3: Accept the feeling. Understand your feeling are there for a reason and they need validation, love and reassurance.
Step 4: Take Action. Take a few deep breathes. Breathe in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Ensure your exhales are longer than your inhales. This will help settle your nervous system right down. Taking you out of a fight of flight and into rest and digest.
Step 5: Let It Go. You’ve honoured its presence, exhale and let it go.
Step 6: Focus on Something Else. Your mind can’t focus on two things at the same time. So give it a job. Bring yourself into the present moment by bringing your awareness to your senses. What do you see? What can you hear? What can you smell, taste and touch?
Anxious thinking leading to panic attacks
Pay attention to the way you feel when these intrusive looping thoughts come into your head.
Ask yourself why, why would I be thinking like this. Close your eyes and bring your awareness to what old memories pop into your mind.
When was the last time in your life you felt the way you are currently while thinking that intrusive thought?
Ask yourself, do you still think you need to feel this way about the situation. Is it at all relevant to have those same old beliefs? Challenge yourself to change that belief. Your beliefs are yours to change. “Your every thought and word form a blueprint that your mind and body work to make your reality.” - Marisa Peer
If you continue to think and act this way, will this enable you to be the person you want to be. Will you be able to achieve the things that you want to achieve?
We all want to be seen and heard growing up. We want to feel love all around us. But when our actions cause a negative reaction from the people around us that’s when we start to hesitate with our decisions and actions and lack the confidence we’re naturally born with. We begin to create these shadow versions of ourselves in order to fit in and/or survive the environment we are in. These shadow versions of ourselves we create cause us to distance further away from who we truly are. Our most authentic selves.
That’s the goal. Letting go of outdated beliefs and coming back to the person you were born to be. Confident and authentic. You step up for yourself in moments you need it most. You honour your emotions and meet them with curiosity and you give your innerself the reassurance and words of affirmation you need to hear.